now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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