Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
