While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
