I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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