It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
