Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
