Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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