i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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