Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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