We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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