i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
