I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
