my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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