Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
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HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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