He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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