My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
