I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
