Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
