So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
