Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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