hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
