About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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