Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
