ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
