I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
