great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
