The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
