We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
