Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
