He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
