im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
