It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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