We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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