Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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