he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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