the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
