Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
