i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
