they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
