I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
