I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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