The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
