haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
