I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
