I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
