he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
not ubering you a puppy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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