Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
