How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
