Umm I'm too high to move.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
