Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
