He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
