it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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