Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.