Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.

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(781): Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart. http://tfl.nu/ct0g

Replies (5) Good night (883) Bad night (3761)
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(303): View more from Colorado

We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it

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(303): We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it http://tfl.nu/osby

Replies (37) Good night (2356) Bad night (5218)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again

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(314): Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again http://tfl.nu/jwo1

Replies (19) Good night (5721) Bad night (1363)
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(518): View more from New York

plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.

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(518): plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/e2rh

Replies (29) Good night (5959) Bad night (1338)
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(214): View more from Texas

It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.

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(214): It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils. http://tfl.nu/mamt

Replies (5) Good night (1690) Bad night (838)
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(509): View more from Washington

There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.

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(509): There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere. http://tfl.nu/0uwm

Replies (9) Good night (1073) Bad night (2174)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.

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(202): I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now. http://tfl.nu/oo06

Replies (5) Good night (2949) Bad night (776)
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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories

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(217): I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories http://tfl.nu/vqmd

Replies (6) Good night (1867) Bad night (747)
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(256): View more from Alabama

I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.

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(256): I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night. http://tfl.nu/42hk

Replies (0) Good night (1366) Bad night (566)
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(678): View more from Georgia

You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.

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(678): You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary. http://tfl.nu/2yw2

Replies (15) Good night (1751) Bad night (626)
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(530): View more from California

Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.

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(530): Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them. http://tfl.nu/oho5

Replies (2) Good night (1070) Bad night (414)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.

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(603): 'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES. http://tfl.nu/23ze

Replies (1) Good night (611) Bad night (325)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.

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(573): Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move. http://tfl.nu/x4s9

Replies (2) Good night (533) Bad night (309)
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(713): View more from Texas

Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"

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(713): Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess" http://tfl.nu/rzf4

Replies (1) Good night (510) Bad night (202)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.

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(973): Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows. http://tfl.nu/zmse

Replies (4) Good night (377) Bad night (125)

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