like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.