I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Randomize
