If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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