I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
