I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize