You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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