Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
