She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
