i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
