I want you more than these girls want KFC
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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