haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I puked a lego.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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