Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
