so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
