Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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