he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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