I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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