You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
