I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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