dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
