my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
